I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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