on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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