i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
