I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
