Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
