people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
