they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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