Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
