he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize