Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
