his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
