We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
