Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
