these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
