I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize