You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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