butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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