best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
