After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
