i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
