pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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