Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
