SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
