did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
