if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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