jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
