No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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