you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
