I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
