Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize