I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
