I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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