guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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