That's when you crack a 10am beer
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize