You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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