I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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