The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
