please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
