I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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