The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
