Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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