At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You smell like stripper and shame
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
