I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
