YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
