are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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