If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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