we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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