double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
