I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
