Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
