Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
