just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
