We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
