This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
