I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
