she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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