Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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