Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just gift wrapped bread.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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