is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm passing your future prison.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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