Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
