think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
