Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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