He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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