When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize