I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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