The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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