i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
