Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
