wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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