No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
