I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
