Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
