we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
