Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
