Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
