i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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