everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize