Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
