Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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