He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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