I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
this hospital has no fireball
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
