You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
