Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
