Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize