dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
