Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
