I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
