he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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